May 31, 2010

early morning, Monday

fuck this shit.

class in 4 hours time and I can't bloody sleep. and the worst part is that I am not even doing anything productive -.-


I shall be productive tomorrow and start coding my FYP! ohhh, yesshhh I should do just that.


huffs, my dear Oatsie, mummy and Draxie misses you loads, so much that I feel like I'm gonna explode soon.

we miss Oats =(


well, I think I've accidentally stumbled upon someone from my past. it's so weird that people change so much. like 10 years ago she was a tiny little girl of YuLynn's age, and all of a sudden she's a teenager, all grown up, hating the world, except her friends. it's a teenager thing, which I myself should snap out off soon. I'm no teenager anymore :D

ugh, funny feeling. if I were to look so far back, I would say that I had a bad childhood, it wasn't horrible, I wasn't physically abused or anything, but it was certainly not a good one.

while most kids were jumping around, learning stuffs and laughing, I was stuck at this one place where I felt so insignificant, lost and alone. I hate that place to the core.

but my parents are too dumb to see how mentally disturbed I was then. every afternoon when I took my nap, I thought about ways to run away and never come back. I had so many dreams to leave, but of course, somethings never change, I was afraid of pain, just like I am now.

I was a dumb kid. I never got the chance to learn stuffs until school, friends and the Internet came along.

in my family no one speaks unless it's of absolute importance. unlike normal families in which kids are encouraged to question the wonders of the universe, we were taught not to ask questions, else mummy will drive out of the house and come back home at 4am, nais.

talk about being traumatized. and so I don't ask, I google. in fact, I hate talking to anyone in this house altogether.


back when I was younger, I hated my life, just because I feel so unimportant to the bunch of people I call family. I wanted my mum to look through my school bag to look for drugs just like other mums would, my dad to teach me maths and to curse if I flunk my exams, and my sister to laugh and play games with me.

I wanted to be afraid and to feel guilty when I get bad grades. but nope, none did happen. I tried getting last in the class, getting first, getting perfect grades in big exams, did not have the nerve to try drugs but did disappear for a day or two before coming home. but bleh, the response I usually get is bleh.

either my mum is clueless or that she really just don't fucking give a shit.


but somehow, I made it to this day, and with the little effort they had put in nurturing me, I would say I actually turned out fine after the attention seeking phase was somewhat over.

I won't say that I hate my mum, in fact, I am glad that she was a whatever kind of mum. throughout the years, I've learned to appreciate this approach of hers, it wasn't too bad if you come to think about it.

good thing I did not turn out to be obese, considering all the wrong foods I've been consuming ever since I begged my way out of the shit-hole day care center.


May 30, 2010

prince of persia

ahh, the very much anticipated movie of the year. honestly, I was afraid, afraid that it would suck, you see, cause I've been waiting for it since 2008, and throughout the long wait, expectations had definitely built up, sub-consciously maybe.

never thought that this day will come. it has been a long wait. back in 08, when we saw its expected premier date dated for 2010, it totally felt like bleh-will-I-even-still-be-alive-then?





but again, promises are made, and somewhere along the way, they are forgotten. time changes everything, especially people. I guess I've become a different person too.


so, I have this friend who lovesss the game. I tend to associate people with stuffs cause my memory is just so bloody horrible. and out of the many things we had done together, I've decided to link him to his love for the Dahaka, bleh random.


I was told some time ago that the game is among the super-duper-est most fucking awesome game ever -.-


don't ask why I have this, it's a taboo xD
internal joke, don't mind me, kthxbai


watched it on the day it premiered. Kevin was sitting for a paper on that day, and I was bored, and it was totally random, totally unplanned T.T don't be mad huns

couldn't bare to tell him that I've watched it already cause he [BOOKED] me first and yet I ppk-ed him xD but now that I've watched it again, this time, with Kevie, I can let go of this guilt hahahehehheuehu


I guess I must say that it is not bad at all, in fact it's a rather good one. I wasn't disappointed when I got out, probably just got a little pissed cause they choose to be all lovey dovey during critical moments -.- which was a little annoying.

but then again, somehow it is rather difficult for me to find that same excitement I had for Transformers. the first Transformers movie left such an impact on me, that I can no longer seem to find in recent movies. huffs.

I would say that iff I had gone in for Prince of Persia with no expectations whatsoever, like I did for Transformers, I would currently be a bloody happy person.

still, I did go in twice since it premiered, which was like 3 days ago =x



I love you huns, loves.


mini updates


my final semester is starting in about 45 minutes, also my very beloved Jen turns 22 by then.


<3


also, my baby Oatsie would have turned 3

I miss him loads.



buh, sads.


on a side note,

I have a gangster bf nows
-.-

I wanted a lightning bolt =(


huffs, the very last 10k to pay up and after that I can..

hahahaheheheheheuhuhuhu

spend like there is no tomorrow =D


I am so gonna upgrade Draco's tank and filter soon!
meheartsDrax.



byes Jen


Jen left on a plane to Liverpool yesterday
=,(

take care my love




huffs, they are growing up and going places so fast, yet I am still here, not budging at all.

when will I be able to make something of myself, and go places too.


I'll miss you, miss me too kays.


budak loofah-s
=D



May 29, 2010

kevie love;


the brightest little firefly in my jar

<3


May 26, 2010

5:03AM, Wednesday

I have plenty to say tonight, but bleh.

my honey bear is sad cause he is lost in the world of database programming with scary SQL statements and ACID.

muka stress
Dx


hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahah




huffs, lazy



May 24, 2010

7:45AM, Monday

lately I've been moping around, complaining to people about how bored and lonely my life is.

but going through photos on Facebook tonight actually reminded me of how blessed I actually am. I have someone who loves me, people who care for me and classmates, both nerdy and fun, what more can I ask for.

our 21st birthday (:


2010

I guess, I can be a little over the edge when it comes to expectations. I always expect more than I am entitled for and that nothing is ever enough. but to be fair, humans are programmed this way, but I guess everyone has a say in that matter, or at least now I think so.

I am blessed with the bestest people,

highschool buddies


clock tower


did funny stuffs together

makes me smile everytime


did holy stuffs together xD


and christmas-y stuffs too


went for trips


and they love Draxie


<3



Disted-mates


found this, and I like it xD

Disted FTW


Qiwen, who is most of the time there regardless of the time difference



family,

Draco love





KDU-mates


who took me far away from my comfort zone



sammie meow


and people I met along the way



with surprise birthdays





trips with joel xD


stupid stuffs


and bowling, despite the fact that I suck at it





I mean like who am I to complain right?


might as well be all smiley =D


May 23, 2010

12:22AM, Monday

fuck, the urge is back.

I am a total sucker when it comes to peer pressure. reason to this is that my very beloved Jen has just bought her 550d T.T so canggih. I want one toos.


a couple of weeks ago, I thought of getting one, a Nikon of course, but to my surprise it was bloody difficult to sell a D3000 to myself. like I've been selling it for quite sometime now, friends turned into customers and customers became friends, like Carrot, yet it was actually mind blowing-ly difficult to convince myself that D3000 is the way to go.

like I know a D3000 will not make me a very happy person, but it is sufficient to ease this pain for a while, then there is the 550d which is just 1k away with live view, that could actually satisfy me, but deep down I think I would be more comfortable with a Nikon. on another hand, add on a couple of hundreds more I can have a D90 =D but do I actually need a D90, uh, yes and no, it's a long debate.

and of course money is an issue. the trips, and the cash that has been flowing since I told myself to bring an end to this mid-mid-life crisis of mine. huffs.



sucks to be indecisive.



or should I look into getting a semi-pro. fuck, shut up already -.-



10:57PM, Sunday


fine, fine, I am like crazy lazy to do anything, but this gut feeling is making me feel bad for not actually doing anything, and so I am simply writing entries to take my mind off doing nothing.

had been unproductive since the killer mid-project interview last Monday, and I plan to be until tomorrow =) bad decision call, I know, but can't help it.

the interview was okay, actually to think of it, it was a little bit better than okay. just that I enjoy complaining and so I somehow turn it around and go around sulking and complaining , bad bad nature of mine, that I plan to change in the nearest future.

went in to meet the AI king, as referred to by Panda. apparently, this fella is like the pro-est one in artificial intelligence among the three that came down to Penang. but it wasn't too bad. he was really nice.





other than that, finished reading The Last Lecture. made me feel sad actually =( a part of me wished that it was fictional.


10:35PM, Sunday

canggih x)


us, juniors should have one toos,

just because the top left icon is super cute <3
just because.



10:25PM, Sunday

don't laugh, but I just watched Alice in Wonderland yesterday. heh, talk about being outdated.

anyhoos, it was as bad as I thought it would be. creepy fantasy stuffs, not really my thing you see. and honestly, I think that the ghostly smiling cat is wayyyyy too creepy for little children, even for me -.-

head twisting stunts with the creepy smile, that cat should be censored off the screen.

and so, I stand by my initial opinion that the one thing Alice in Wonderland got right is Almost Alice, of course ATL's presence in that album made me say that.

no offense to Alice in Wonderland lovers, different taste you see, I fell asleep during the movie's climax, killing the dragon (?) did not manage to keep me entertained. and I honestly think that they could have done so much more with the movie, so very much more to cater to audiences like myself. add in a little bit more mystery and adventure here and there, and I'll be pretty much jumping for joy.

I did not really get the storyline, it was somewhat vague. okay, maybe it was because I fell asleep pretty much throughout the movie -.-

they definitely tried too hard with the magical, fantasy card, a wee bit too much for my liking.



All I feel is strange,
strange,
In your prefect world;
- Tokio Hotel ft Kerli


May 22, 2010

HIMYM

concluded that watching Season 1 of NCIS is actually making me feel sad.


huffs, they look so much happier in Season 1 if compared to the latest season, now everyone look so gloomy =(

sucks that Kate has to die.

half way through Season 1, and honestly, I am bored and sad. Season 1 basically introduces the leads, lures you into liking every single one of them then preps you, in a rather cruel way, so that when Season 2 comes along you'll get severely crushed

the scene where Kate got shot is still so very clear in my mind although it has been like, uh, 4 years (?) since I watched it. definitely left a scar =(


anyfreakingways, since NCIS is contributing to my mopey-ness,
I've decided to move on to..

bababapaaaapapapapapadadadadadaddaaaaaa



How I Met Your Mother!

nais.

sitcoms, what better way to make my day


pacman love


pacman FTW <3


going bersiar-siar esok! yipps <3



May 20, 2010

Wednesday, Midnight


it has been a while since I last wondered if anything would be different if I am no longer around.

it has been so long in fact, that having these thoughts right now scares me

I thought I have outgrown it, but I was wrong. it's always going to be there, waiting for me to just break down and give in.



if only I am less indecisive, and more courageous.

I guess I'm at the point where I am out of lies to fill my own mind, and that the future is not going to be any better, and that I am starting to believe that I am a mistake to everyone I met.

I am afraid, because, well, I am just afraid of myself.


May 19, 2010

x(


done with Gossip Girl Season 3, and on with NCIS Season 1, when Kate was still alive.

right now, I'm pretty pissed cause loading is freaking slow -.-



hearts Draxxie;

some people say that Draco is the ugliest creature they have seen but I think that he is the finest little monster in the entire world.

I adore him to bits.

past by his tank during my 5 minute Gossip Girl marathon break, and he was snoozing, with bubbles on his nose. how can anyone not love him?

xoxo


May 17, 2010

wheeeeeee


one more freaking part!

and I will be ready for tomorrow's mid-project interview thingy.

waaa, actually feeling a wee bit nervous nows, wish me luck <3


May 16, 2010

meloves;


wah, freaking lazy.


I love my honey bear loads <3




a day before killer mid-project interview

hasil hari ini =D
ohh yesh, you got that right. dearest baby vin bought me that Randy Pausch book that I've been looking for!

got it from Gurney Plaza's MPH @ RM 34.90 =D teeeheheheheheeehehehehe

haven't started reading though, not done with my Analysis draft for my fuck-you-project, read FYP, yet, although I've already tore it open. itchy hands, can't help it xD

undressing the pretty little book


and had Nando's again
this photo is actually for Angelina,
saya tau dia suka





anddddd also,
Loh got this for meehhh

the shoot-light-out-of-its-nose piggie

meloves

it's to replace my old one, my old one has no more nose power to shoot light =(

so now I have two!




wells, my friends bought me this brown sock for my phone for my birthday last year,
and I sort of lost it during the party at Kevin's place T.T

anyhowies, I bought an almost similar one to replace it =D


huffs, talk about resistance to chance -.-


first with the pig then with the phone sock.


I can't help it =(

heeeeee.


tried the free daily disposable lenses I received yesterday,
looks a little purple-ish, but the colour sort of blends in with your iris and so it looks somewhat natural.

and they are great!

very comfortable, and a lot softer than my current ones.

I am actually thinking of switching to daily disposable lenses. I never liked cleaning my lenses anyway, this will save up tones of finger-power.

me likes.


May 14, 2010

it's here!


it's here!



yippies!

just in time for my mid-project interview on Monday!




it comes with a 30% off the second box voucher toos, naise!



so, um, get yours now, if there are any left =D