December 31, 2011

31st December 2011, 2:34AM




decided to revisit an old love



December 30, 2011

30th December 2011, 10:16AM

I not doing too good. I feel like the entire world is out to get me.

Waking up in the morning is the hardest part. Probably still in denial. Probably still trying to get sense out of things.

People say different people handle pain in different ways. I haven't found mine.

Faults are difficult to be mended. I think I need a bear hug. I feel like exploding.

December 29, 2011

29th December 2011, 12:29AM

Christmas did not exactly happen for me this year :(

As if life skipped a day, and all out of a sudden the new year is approaching.


Feels like I am still waiting for Christmas day to come, sad really.


December 27, 2011

28th December 2011, 12:38AM

Dying in a car accident, that's my biggest fear, right next to drowning.

And so when I was younger, whenever I have lots to think of, I'll go for drives, long aimless drives. The faster I drive, the more my mind blocks out thoughts to give way for concentration.

It has always worked for me.



On a side note, I think I need a new channel to vent. New roads to explore perhaps.


27th December 2011, 11:35PM



cause sometimes you have to be your own hero;





soldier on.


December 26, 2011

26th December 2011, 5:56PM


Nobody's perfect. Yet, sometimes I feel like I wayyyy more flawed than others.

I have noticed for quite sometime that I have abandonment issues. I don't trust well. I know I would never be able to. I find it difficult to bond with people, I hate talking about feelings. I know people would leave no matter how hard you beg them not to. And they don't fucking give a shit about you, no matter how much they say they care.

Cause we are all just human.

And that's why I'd leave, before they do.

Build a wall, stay behind it, that was the plan. Yet, sometimes I find myself caring too much for something that I forget about myself.

I have been awesome at putting up defenses, never thought I'd fail myself this way. I've always been prepared for the worst, never thought I'd feel so lost. Feels like there is too much happening in my mind, I can't comprehend a thing. It's all fuzzy, and cluttered. I am not good with this.

Everything is everywhere, I can't tell what I am to do next.



26th December 2011, 2:02AM

I was once told that there is no use in telling your problems to people, cause 80% of them don't give a crap, and the other 20% are actually happy that you are in pain.

Probably.

December 21, 2011

21st December 2011, 11:45PM


It's all over Facebook.


I want some :(




Happy tang yuen day peeps!




21st December 2011, 12:42AM


so a friend of mine says that my blog is depressing :(


i didn't think so, but anyways, to make this place less depressing, at least to some people, here's a smiling photo of myself, with braces =E


second month in,
don't think I've posted any =E photos so far.



December 20, 2011

20th December 2011, 11:56PM


spotted this in a local music store,


*smiles*

was tempted to get it,
but then again, year-end financial crisis T.T


anyways, hoping that they will be on the Malaysian airwaves soon

:D




20th December 2011, 12:06AM



"I may not have gone where I intended to go,
but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
- Douglas Adams



not that my journey is coming to an end anytime soon,
but just; I'm feeling contented at the mo'.


December 18, 2011

18 December 2011, 6:31PM

Sometimes I feel like I am doing everything wrong. Life, and everything. And for someone like me, I get seriously mad at myself.

I hate it that I tend to take things so seriously, but when I don't, something bad happens or someone gets hurt. Then I'll get mad at myself all over again for not handling it better.

Life is just so complicated. Probably it's just me, thinking way too much than I should.



December 9, 2011

9th December 2011


Since my parents separated, my mum has always been telling me to be an independent person, and that being dependent will always put you at the losing end.

She said that being independent is something new to herself as well, and that we are going to work at it together.

I guess throughout the years I became too independent of a person, and we started to drift apart. It came to a point that I started to question her role in bringing me up. I started to feel like a burden to her, and instead of being grateful to her for bringing me into this world, I started to wonder why did she decide to have me and then let me grow up on my own. I've always thought that she has very little to do in how I turn out to be. I recognized her sacrifices, but I felt that she has never taken much interest in my development.

Today, I had my very first annual performance appraisal. The reviews and feedback I got were mostly positive, of course there are areas to improve, but generally everything's good.

I then realized that I have taken after my mum pretty much. My best traits are mostly of her's. Independent, detailed, systematic and organized. That's all her, she did made me the person I am today.


Dare I doubt again?








December 3, 2011

2 December 2011



Blood donation,
it's one thing I never thought I'd experience



but today I faced my fears and went through with it :D

super proud of myself


the nurses who tended to me were awesome, especially the one who took out the needle. she was asking me a question and while i was thinking, she pop-ed the needle out, then I realized that she wasn't exactly interested with what my answer would be. Awesome skill that was.



Another milestone accomplished :D




btw, I'm an O+





December 2, 2011

Happy Birthday Draco ♥



Happy 8th Birthday, baby!







December 1, 2011

10:48PM, 1 December 2011



"Always code as if the person who will maintain your code is a maniac serial killer that knows where you live."




True enough.



2:34 AM, 1 December 2011



"i don't let a lot of people in here. it's kinda obvious that i'm overcompensating for something."



sometimes i feel that i am beyond flawed :(