June 24, 2012

June 24th, 2012

So effortlessly,
It feels so easy, like it's all that I need.

Could this be it?

June 17, 2012

17th June, 2012, 1:41PM

The best I could hope to be is now
just a bitter sweet memory.

June 17th, 2012, 3:38AM

Take me back, take me back, back to Summer Paradise;

Hope this is not just wishful thinking.
Tell me that you care,
And I'll be there in a heartbeat. -SP

if only.

June 16, 2012

June 16th, 2012

Freaking out is what I do best when things are going well. As much as I would like to deny it, there's this small voice in my mind convincing me that being happy isn't something I deserve. Easily influenced, now I truly believe that I don't deserve much. 

I need constant reminders that everything will be okay, cause that's one thing I can't convince myself to believe; too many variables, too many things to ponder upon. Honestly, I am just afraid. Afraid that things will not turn out the way I hoped. 

Over the years, I've learned not to place myself in line for disappointment. I know people change, I don't place much hope in the things they say. I leave room for me to get myself out before they do. It's survival. 

But recently, I'm starting to wonder if I should man up and fix this insecurities. 

June 16th, 2012

It's unfortunate.

Told myself that you were right for me,
But felt so lonely in your company,
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember.

June 4, 2012

12:02AM, 4th June 2012

don't show emotion, let this go..

June 3, 2012

3:35AM, 3rd June 2012

People say regret is the worst feeling ever. I'd say the fact that you are not able to do anything to change the circumstances, that's where the pain is.

It felt like I took a pause in life, with everything zooming by around me. Everything has changed, yet the pieces, it breaks my heart. I'm just trying to hold on, but memories fade.

For a moment there, it felt like I was waiting. I was afraid to break down cause it would make things real. And so I made believe that it wasn't happening, and stood strong, as long as I am in one piece. But honestly all I wanted to do was to curl up into a fetal position and cry. Everything wasn't right, and I couldn't fix it. And that there, is the worst feeling ever.

I did steal moments of weakness every now and then. I wish I did more often. I wish I didn't have to put up such a strong front and smile to assure people that everything is okay when nothing is :(